After an intensive nationwide search that suspiciously seemed to involve a lot of mirror-gazing, County Executive Chris Shorter has appointed Quintin Haynes, his doppelgänger in policy and an uncanny match in work ethic, as the new Deputy County Executive for General Government.
"Let's be honest," said Shorter at the announcement. "Who wouldn't want another version of themselves as their right-hand man? I mean, Haynes even shares my passion for financial management and strategic planning. It's like looking into a work-appropriate mirror."
Haynes, who could easily be mistaken for Shorter at a quick glance, if one is examining their resumes and not their faces, was plucked from the busy streets of New York, where he'd been quietly honing his Shorter-esque abilities. His uncanny similarity to Shorter in terms of work experience and commitment had even their mothers doing a double take.
While at the City of New York, Haynes spent time as Acting Commissioner and Executive Deputy Commissioner of the Department of Citywide Administrative Services, a title so similar to Shorter's previous role as City Administrator with Baltimore City government that we're starting to question the originality of these job titles.
"When I met Quintin, I knew he was the one," Shorter admitted. "He had that same gleam in his eye that I get when I think about local government operations. And when he started talking about his time at the Department of Commerce and the White House, I swear I heard the theme song of 'The Twilight Zone' playing in the background."
When asked about his new role, Haynes said, "I have a passion for public service, just like my--I mean, just like Chris. I look forward to working collaboratively, which means I'll agree with Chris 99.9% of the time. This is just like the plot of a sci-fi movie. But instead of fighting aliens, we're fighting inefficiencies."
Not everyone is as enthusiastic about this clone-like hiring. The appointment now leaves a noticeable absence of female representation in senior leadership. Local women leaders are said to be organizing a campaign called "Sisters before Misters" to restore some balance to the force of Prince William County's leadership.
As the new dynamic duo in Prince William County, Shorter and Haynes look forward to synchronizing their watches and policy ideas for a more efficient future. Now if only they could figure out who's who in the office photocopier room...
