Prince William County Government's Department of Information Technology (DoIT) has finally admitted that they have no idea what they're doing. In a press conference held yesterday, the department officially announced that they've been faking it all along, and the public is finally getting a glimpse into the chaos that is DoIT.
"We thought we were just pretending to know what we were doing, but it turns out we actually have no clue," said a DoIT employee who wished to remain anonymous. "We've been Googling our way through the day-to-day operations for years, hoping that the results would somehow magically fix the problems. It's a miracle the county's technology is still functioning at all."
According to insiders, DoIT has been operating on a "wing and a prayer" approach for years, relying on sheer luck and their favorite search engine to keep the county's technology systems functioning. The DoIT employees spend most of their days frantically typing away on their keyboards, praying for the blue screens of death to disappear and the constant system crashes to stop.
"We're like modern-day alchemists, trying to turn lead into gold," said another DoIT employee. "Only instead of lead, we're dealing with outdated software, and instead of gold, we're hoping for a functioning network."
Despite their lack of technical expertise, DoIT has managed to keep the county's technology afloat through sheer determination and a lot of duct tape. The department's secret weapon is their "MacGyver-like" skills, which they use to patch up the county's technology infrastructure with whatever they can find lying around the office.
"We've used everything from paperclips to rubber bands to keep the county's servers running," said the anonymous DoIT employee. "At this point, we're experts in the art of duct tape and bailing wire, and if a catastrophic disaster were to happen, we're pretty sure we could save the day with a roll of tape and a stapler."
Despite the admission, DoIT has assured the public that they will continue to do their best to keep the county's technology up and running. The department is currently in the process of hiring a few new employees who actually know what they're doing, but until then, DoIT is determined to keep the county's technology functioning with their duct tape and prayers.
"We may not know what we're doing, but we're doing it with all our hearts," said the anonymous DoIT employee. "And sometimes, that's all that matters. So, to all the residents of Prince William County, don't be alarmed if you see us frantically typing away on our keyboards and muttering under our breath. We've got this... we think."
A spokesperson for Prince William County Government could not be reached for comment, as their email system is currently down.