Prince William County Government turned the tech world upside down on this morning when they announced a discovery of a new endangered species, the Eastern Subterranean Twitchy-Nose Mole Rat, on the very land slated for the construction of a massive new data center.
The move was hailed as a major win for mole rat enthusiasts and a painful blow for tech giants who had been looking forward to cheaper electricity and even cheaper labor in the region.
"We understand the disappointment of the tech companies," said County Executive Christopher Shorter. "However, we believe mole rats also have a right to uninterrupted internet-free living. In the spirit of compromise, we're suggesting the 'Rural Crescent,' where, as far as we know, no mole rat has ever set foot... or claw, or whatever."
Ironically, the little mole rat – who spends most of its life underground, blind and indifferent to the human world – has successfully managed to disrupt the multi-billion dollar data center industry overnight.
The county discovered the presence of the mole rat during a routine pre-construction environmental survey, which turned into a full-blown mole rat rave. Officials were surprised to find not just a handful of the endangered rodents, but what appeared to be the equivalent of a mole rat mega-city.
"We thought we were just hearing things at first," said Marvin Grubbins, one of the surveyors, "but then we realized we were standing on a subterranean New York City of mole rats. It was like a furry mole rat Woodstock down there."
The revelation has left tech giants scrambling for alternatives, and it appears that the county executive’s suggested ‘Rural Crescent’ might be their only option.
Meanwhile, the council is not taking any chances with the endangered rodents' new territory. It has cordoned off the entire region and has even appointed a 'Mole Rat Ranger' to guard the endangered mole rat population.
While the mole rats remain blissfully ignorant of the chaos they’ve caused, local tech enthusiasts have developed an unprecedented interest in rodent biology. “It’s quite fascinating, really,” said a representative from the thwarted tech industry. “Who knew that mole rats had a penchant for disrupting not only soil, but also multi-billion dollar industries?”
Despite the turmoil, the county remains upbeat. "There's plenty of room for everyone here," said Shorter, optimistically. "Data centers, mole rats, cows, horses... we can coexist. As long as the mole rats don't develop a taste for fiber optic cables, we should be okay."
The mole rats were unavailable for comment at the time of publication.
