Disney has announced plans to lay off all seven dwarfs as part of its ongoing effort to cut billions in costs. The move is expected to affect the long-planned Disney's America themepark in Haymarket, Virginia, which may now be scrapped to make way for new data centers.
According to sources close to the company, Disney CEO Bob Iger was left with no choice but to make the difficult decision after realizing that Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was one of the few remaining Disney franchises that had not yet been remade, rebooted, or reimagined in some way. Meanwhile, the company's shift towards the tech industry has led them to prioritize data centers over theme parks.
"We just couldn't keep spending money on these old-fashioned characters when we have so many other franchises to focus on," Iger said in a statement. "Plus, with the increasing demand for data storage, we had to make the tough decision to convert plans for a themepark into a data center."
The move has been met with disappointment from Disney fans, who have expressed their sadness at the loss of such beloved characters and the potential themepark. But Iger is quick to reassure them that the company has no plans to stop producing classic Disney content altogether.
"Don't worry, we're still going to make all your favorite Disney movies," he said. "We're just going to do it with a lot less dwarfs and a lot more servers."
As for the dwarfs themselves, they are reportedly still in shock over the news, with Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, and Sneezy all reportedly seen huddled together in a corner of a local Starbucks, muttering to themselves and looking bewildered. Meanwhile, tech enthusiasts are excited at the prospect of a new data center in Haymarket, Virginia.
"It's just not fair," Grumpy was heard saying. "I've been Grumpy for Disney for 50 years. And now I'm out of a job. What am I supposed to do?"
Despite the sadness and uncertainty, the dwarfs remain hopeful that they will find work elsewhere, perhaps at a less cost-conscious theme park or in the booming world of online streaming.
"We may not be working for Disney anymore," Bashful said, "but we're still seven of the hardiest, most lovable characters in the world. And we're not going to let a little thing like unemployment get us down."