A wave of rebellion has surged through the age-restricted 55+ community of Heritage Hunt, following the recent city council approval of commercial passenger flights from the Manassas Regional Airport. Despite being nowhere near the airport, these feisty retirees have launched a vigorous opposition campaign - because, apparently, they have nothing better to do.
"We won't stand for it," stated Ethel Bernstein, 72, a retired librarian, and the self-proclaimed 'Queen of Complaining'. "We've already had to tolerate those darn data centers. Now they want to bring planes near our peaceful homes? Over my dead, dried-up body!"
While the airport representatives have insisted that any impacts of noise and traffic will be negligible, the folks of Heritage Hunt are having none of it. "They said the same about those blasted data centers!" said 76-year-old Gus McAllister, a retired plumber. "And now, we can't even play Bingo in peace!"
Despite the fact that the airport will not be in their backyard, or even within their line of sight, these tenacious seniors are leaving no stone unturned in their fight against the council's decision. Activist measures have included but are not limited to: writing strongly worded letters, boycotting local businesses (until they need to buy something), and threatening to hold their breaths until the decision is reversed. The community has even adopted the rallying cry of "We don't want no stinkin' planes!", which can be heard echoing around their local golf course on a daily basis.
Airport Director Juan Rivera tried to soothe the riled retirees, stating, "Avports is taking the vast majority of the risk with their proposal." Unfortunately, his efforts backfired, as the seniors now demand to know why they weren't invited to a game of 'Avports' and are accusing the council of ageism.
Although the plan aims to cater to budget airlines and popular vacation destinations, the Heritage Hunt community remains adamant in their resistance. "I don't care if they're offering $5 flights to Florida!" said Ethel Bernstein, shaking her cane in defiance. "We'd rather walk!"
Meanwhile, the remaining citizens of Manassas are holding their collective breath, hoping that this latest wave of senior citizen activism will fizzle out as swiftly as their latest attack on self-checkout machines at the local grocery store. However, Ethel and Gus aren't backing down just yet.
"We're not just old and cranky. We're old, cranky, and we've got plenty of free time!" said Gus with a defiant gleam in his eye. The rest of Manassas hopes he'll soon find a new hobby.
