Prince William County is best known for its historical sites, sprawling parks, and now, apparently, competitive cheerleading. County Board Chair Ann Wheeler, after confusing cult-classic "Bring it On" for a political documentary, has declared herself the "Chief Cheerleader" of local government, vowing to out-stomp rival supervisor Jeanine Lawson of the Brentsville District.
While many politicians draw inspiration from Lincoln, Roosevelt, or Obama, Wheeler seems to have found her muse in the form of Torrance Shipman, the peppy cheer captain from "Bring it On." Wheeler was reportedly overheard at a recent meeting shouting, "This is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy!"
"We just assumed she was talking about policy," said a visibly bemused county worker. "But then she started doing cartwheels across the floor. We're not equipped to deal with this kind of... enthusiasm."
Wheeler has defended her cheer-based approach to politics, suggesting that more spirit fingers could lead to bipartisan breakthroughs. "You can't spell 'teamwork' without 'T', 'E', and 'A', and we're here to spill the tea on government transparency!"
It's rumored that Wheeler's been attempting to convince the other board members to don cheer uniforms and participate in morning "pep rallies" instead of coffee meetings. The proposal hasn't gone over well, with Lawson pointedly refusing to "spirit stick" her way into the workday.
"It's simply ludicrous," Lawson said. "I was elected to represent my constituents, not to perfect my Herkie."
Despite the objections, Wheeler seems undeterred, insisting that cheerleading and politics have more in common than people realize.
“Running a county board is like executing a flawless cheer routine,” Wheeler explained. “You need unity, you need energy, and sometimes, you need to throw a board member into a basket toss to get a bird’s-eye view of the issues.”
The unexpected fervor has led to a slight uptick in public interest in county board meetings. Attendance has nearly doubled as residents show up, popcorn in hand, eager to see if Wheeler will introduce pom-poms as part of her policy agenda or challenge Lawson to a cheer-off.
As this spirited saga continues to unfold, Prince William County residents are left to wonder: Will this new "cheerocracy" lead to more effective governance, or will it simply result in a board meeting broken bones epidemic?
One thing is certain: next time you tune into a Prince William Board of County Supervisors meeting, you'd better "Bring It On."