On her way to her local book club brunch last weekend, local Yorkshire resident Grace Jackson found herself in a bit of pinch.
Having volunteered for Northern Virginia Food Rescue (NOVA-FR) and downloaded the Food Rescue delivery app, Jackson was rushing to make her monthly club meeting on Saturday when tragedy hit.
“I was loading up the food in the back like always and I had a bag with all the extra Black Cherry flavored White Claws I’d saved up for my best friend’s special brunch punch,” said Jackson through tears. “When I got to her house, they were gone and I realized what happened! None of the ladies were ready to review 'How to Be an Anti-Racist' without brunch punch!”
Aaron Tolson, CEO of NOVA-FR, could not locate the items as of this publication but clarified they would be discarded. He also encouraged others to donate non-perishable items.
“Our cans usually contain beans, soups, and vegetables, and I’m sorry Ms. Jackson, but I am for real when we say we cannot accept any alcoholic beverages at NOVA-FR destinations.”
Jackson won’t forget soon, since her book club membership may be revoked over the incident. Several sources who spoke to The Rural Lune cited mass hysteria at the prospect of a dry book club discussion.
“I had to stop by Total Wine in Manassas on my way to the club meeting, and all they had left was High Noon!” said Jackson. “Needless to say, no one was quite in the mood to confront the cultural concerns in Dr. Kendi’s book.”