In a shocking turn of events (just kidding, this is actually pretty predictable), Reverend Cozy Bailey is demanding that the police investigate a GrubHub driver who allegedly forgot to include utensils with a customer's food delivery.
According to Rev. Bailey, who took to social media to vent about the incident, the GrubHub driver showed up to his door with a bag of food, but no forks, knives, or spoons. Rev. Bailey, who is apparently unable to eat with his hands like a civilized human being, was left stranded and hungry.
Rev. Bailey, who serves as the president of the Prince William County NAACP and has made a career out of grandstanding and making a fuss over nothing, immediately jumped on the opportunity to make a scene. In a statement, he called the incident "a blatant act of utensil discrimination" and demanded that the police launch a full investigation. "This is a clear example of systemic utensil oppression and it will not be tolerated."
GrubHub, clearly terrified at the prospect of being dragged into yet another unnecessary controversy, issued a swift apology and promised to fully cooperate with the investigation. "We deeply apologize for this oversight and are taking steps to ensure that all of our drivers remember to include utensils with every delivery from now on," the company said.
As the investigation into this utensil-gate continues, Rev. Bailey has called on GrubHub to institute mandatory utensil sensitivity training for all of their drivers. "We will not rest until every single person in Prince William County has access to proper cutlery. This is a matter of utensil justice."