Governor Glenn Youngkin has had enough. Teachers in the state, who are raking in an average of $60,000 per year, are living high on the proverbial hog, and he wants to put an end to that. If any of the citizens of Virginia have a problem with one of these highfalutin educators, they are encouraged to call his new “Tip Line” to report them.
A local teacher at Chris Yung Elementary School, Ms. Mony Bags, finds the entire idea a tad humorous. Said Ms. Bags, “Hey, I get it. I'm a single mom of three kids who makes $58,000 a year. I don’t even care that their dad doesn't help. Even after I paid for my son’s orthodontia, my daughter’s math tutoring, and my baby’s tonsillectomy, I'm absolutely flush with cash. If you ask me, he's just jealous that we teachers are absolutely rolling in dough.”
Colleagues of Ms. Bags tend to agree. Mr. Phat Stacks, who teaches Mandarin at Forest Park High School, also thinks Gov. Youngkin needs to address his envy. “Just last weekend, I was talking about this very subject with Elon Musk when we were spending the day on my yacht," said Mr. Stacks. "We both understand exactly what it is like when we work our tails off to earn our massive amounts of money only to face backlash from people who may not make such comfortable salaries.”
It's about time someone put these teachers in their place, and Gov. Youngkin has a plan to do just that. His “Tip Line” encourages parents and families to report teachers who they believe are doing a terrible job. Those whose children may learn radical ideas such as “People with different skin colors may have different life experiences” or “Turns out Christopher Columbus was not a good dude” can call the tip line to out these pompous teachers who have no idea what it's like to struggle while living on a modest salary in the commonwealth of Virginia.
Thankfully, Ms. Bags does have some compassion for Gov. Youngkin. “It's a little sad when you think about it,” said Ms. Bags as she dabbed her tears with a $100 bill that she later lit on fire. “I mean, how much money can a governor and former CEO make? I’m guessing, what, $11 an hour? It's not like he makes $175,000 a year and has a nine-figure net worth thanks to his Ivy League education and former corporate ties.”
Based on the response from local educators, we hoped to get a statement from Gov. Youngkin in an effort to clear the air. Our reporters spent days searching all of the local shelters and soup kitchens looking for him, but they had no success in locating him. We hope that he has not resorted to living under a freeway overpass and will continue to keep him in prayer.