Prince William County Parks, Recreation and Tourism Director Seth Hendler-Voss delivered his annual state of the parks address Thursday evening, with a somewhat unusual focus on his own personal achievements.
Hendler-Voss started off by thanking the Board of County Supervisors and the audience for attending his "semi-annual Seth Hendler-Voss Power Hour," before diving into his report on the parks system. He mentioned the opening of a new park, which he declared to be "the best park in the history of parks," and the renovation of an existing facility, which he boasted included "world-class amenities" like a sushi bar and a helicopter landing pad.
As he continued, it became clear that Hendler-Voss was more interested in discussing his own accomplishments than the state of the parks. He talked about his vision for a county-wide park system that would be "powered by Seth Hendler-Voss," and hinted at his desire to be crowned the "Supreme Parks Overlord."
At one point, Hendler-Voss paused to take a sip of water, but accidentally spilled it all over his notes. Rather than being flustered, he simply declared that the water had been blessed by the "Parks Gods" and would now bring good luck to the entire county.
Despite the megalomaniacal undertones, the audience couldn't help but laugh at Hendler-Voss's boldness. He announced plans to build a "parks empire" that would stretch across the county, complete with his own personal headquarters and a team of loyal followers.
Throughout his address, Hendler-Voss continued to make not-so-subtle hints about his own greatness, suggesting that the county's parks system would crumble without his leadership.
The crowd couldn't help but moan and groan at his over-the-top proclamations. He touted the success of the "Seth Hendler-Voss Sportsplex," which he claimed had "revolutionized the game of kickball" with its state-of-the-art lighting and sound systems.
He even went as far as to claim that he had personally designed the playgrounds in the parks, citing his extensive experience as a former sandbox enthusiast.
As the address drew to a close, Hendler-Voss left the audience with a final message: "Remember, when you think of parks, you think of Seth Hendler-Voss."
Hendler-Voss then stepped down from the podium, a grin stretching across his face.
