Flanked by dozens of family members as she made her way down the hallway of the government center, Prince William County’s 100,000th Covid case was beaming with excitement as she was funneled into a special ceremony marking the county’s latest milestone.
Presented with a specially framed platinum Covid certificate, Amy Carrol thanked everyone in attendance, stating she was privileged to receive the ‘lifelong’ certificate, which allows her access into any event, venue or public building, a sort of key to the county.
“I couldn’t have done this without my son, Lucas, who contracted the new Omicron virus in school last Friday,” Mrs. Carrol began, “when I woke up this morning to the text ‘congratulations, you’re our 100,000th Covid case’, I nearly dropped to the floor in shock, before realizing I should probably take a Tylenol to shake off this awful fever”.
The new Covid poster girl is now expected to be bombarded by brands hoping to piggyback off her newly found fame.
“Pfizer has already called me about launching their new Covid pills in a glitzy ad campaign,” Carrol revealed, “to think just yesterday I was a normal everyday housewife bringing her kids to school, and today I’m Prince William County’s 100,000th Covid case – I’m gobsmacked”.
UPDATE: Amy Carrol has since been admitted to a local ICU after her symptoms deteriorated, but vowed to bounce back before being induced into a coma by a flustered student nurse.
