The long-awaited ferry from Woodbridge, VA to our nation’s capital is finally coming. The ferry, along with every other possible project on planet Earth, was put on hold due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Now that most residents have decided they are sick of hearing about COVID-19, the ferry project is able to move forward, to the delight of Virginians.
When reached for comment about when the ferry will finally set sail, the Northern Virginia Regional Commission (NVRC) said, “Set sail? Oh, right. Um, we haven't even gotten started on it.” Confused, our reporters pressed for more details as to how this could be possible since the concept has been in the works since 2010.
Representatives from NVRC made an attempt to clarify. Their response of, “We are not ‘starting’ the project. We are just going to do a study to make sure it makes sense,” served to further frustrate our reporting staff.
Instead of securing funds for the project through the legislative process, the NVRC decided it made more sense to secure funds to pay a private company to help “justify” the very existence of a ferry that will cut down on commuting time and alleviate traffic. The amount paid to Nelson\Nygaoord Consultation Associates, the company completing this study, was not something our reporters were able to uncover due to local government officials making it impossible to find details like this even though they are required to publicly disclose them.
Residents of Northern Virginia are puzzled, and we can’t say we blame them. Said one local, “A freaking study? Do they really have no idea what this will cost? Don’t they know how to use Google?”
Others were more concerned about having to deal with traffic into DC. “My daily commute is an absolute killer," another resident said. "I'm not sure how much they paid for a study that's going to tell them exactly that, but I would be happy to tell them for $20 and a six-pack of Socorro Lime Lager from Eavesdrop Brewery.”
Not all residents are discouraged by the snail’s pace of the ferry project. Many have expressed just how happy they are that their grandchildren will be able to commute to DC without having to sit in traffic on the I-95.
“When our grandchildren enter the workforce, we are glad that this ferry will be there to take them to DC for the museums and sightseeing on weekends," noted local millennials. "Obviously, none of them will be using it to commute to an office because teleworking will 100% be the norm by then.”
Once the ferry is operational, local residents are hoping it moves at a faster speed than their government. Said one Prince William County man, “They started this project during Barack Obama’s first administration, and there is no end in sight. I can only assume I will be sailing on that thing some time during Malia Obama’s not-yet-born daughter’s second term.”
